So much had happened last year and for now, it only seems the peace is temporary and a typhoon is secretly brewing. 2014 had been a year of ups and downs. Even now coming Jan 2015, it's not totally smooth, both in my work and my social circle.
For my work, it's much too sensitive to say it here. In fact, I've kinda long ago ditched blogging because I'm just tired; I'm really tired to blog it out although I used to feel better after doing that. But well I thought this blog is like almost dead and not many people reading it so heck. As you grow older, you'll be disgusted and terrified at how things can get complicated just because other people dont feel secure because of whatever that is important to them. Since I cant really change the outcome(as for my work issue) because the power lies in others' hands, I tried to stay optimistic and and stop thinking about it.
My philosophy: If there's nothing I can do to change an outcome, or I've already done everything to change an outcome, and yet I still cant, then I will just get it out of my mind.
It seems there can be more possibilities with how I'm doing in my social circle. I made some friends, some real some fake, got closer with my existing friends, as well as losing some. But I'm still glad those of my closest are still around, offering their ears for my comfort. I love them so so much. Sometimes dearie complains that I meet them wayyyy too much. I told him, "Count yourself lucky too that I have them, for I couldnt have walked so far with you, granted you are such an uncaring and insensitive man."
He shut up. Hahaha!
Actually in life, friends come and go. Usually I'm cool. Many asked me why I just cant let go, of a certain she who had for god-knows-why reason to kick me out of her life, and literally out of our usual social group. I said I cant let go because we had been the closest friends for more than a decade. She tried so hard; to pull people to stand on her side to dislike me altogether. When it's kinda not possible(well some are closer to me while some are just neutral), she goes to the extent of splitting up the groups into 2 even when our dear mutual friend had a birthday! It merely means, "I simply cant stand the sight of you, no matter it's celebrating people's birthday or not."
To this extent, I was really appalled. Did I seduce her husband? Did I kill her family? We're the kind who hanged out at least once every 2 weeks, hanged out alone as well as go tours together. I introduced her to almost everyone of my friends, pulled her to join my circles.
Obviously my neutral friend who was having the birthday was kinda stucked in the middle too, and he said the other group had booked him this weekend and he'll celebrate with us next weekend. Which is like, ???!!! By then his birthday already over. I'm quite restless when things happen to me, it makes me super sian BUT I get extremely frustrated when things get too far and create problems for OTHER PEOPLE. In this case, it's my friend's birthday party. And I told the group that please go and enjoy all of you without me, I will meet the birthday boy alone for dinner next week to make it up to him.
Just couldnt stand the whole hoohaa is because of me and spoiling our dear mutual friend's birthday party.
However, my friend and the whole group decided to "wait for me" to celebrate his birthday together because some of them also got disgusted at how this whole saga and refused to join the other group. Which I think she dont mind, she only hates me, not my friends. In fact, she tried very hard to pull my friends over to her side. Arggghhh machiam primary school like that. Common we're all grown-ups. Her close friends stay in her group, my close friends stay in mine, and some neutral ones stays in both. It's fine isnt it? Why need to complicate more? Does she really need to gather ALL into HER group and make everyoneeee ostracize me like she did?
In any case, we celebrated our dear mutual friend's birthday the same weekend, albeit different days.
You know how ironic it is. I've never stopped my friends from joining the other group despite her aggressive recruitment exercise. I'm more of someone who knows she wasnt welcomed and decided to stay away(Thank god I still have other friends lah). Because if I'm around, she wont be around.
And guess what, I totally dont know what I did to incur her hatred.
I always naively thought, well time will tell, truth will surface. I keep thinking maybe we had a misunderstanding and it will cleared up in time. I'm not one who bear grudges and I assumed everyone dont.
But apparently not! The grudge grew even stronger with the both of us absolutely not seeing each other(but still brewing beneath). HOW CAN THAT BE? Because I talked nothing of her, except the part where I really missed her friendship(in the beginning). Through time, nobody mentions her infront of me, because I will feel pain. They can see. So many people asked me to let it go. I got better with time...but...
I JUST couldnt understand it. Although I dont know what I've done to piss her...ok lah I know sometimes I'm too direct and blunt and offended her. I chastised her on always getting pissed drunk everytime we drink and asked her dont always drink so much, but that is really after many many episodes of dragging the unconscious her out from the club or pub and away from strangers who are only trying to make her drunk and take her advantage. I told her it's okay if you wanna drink with strangers but she must know her limits. Said that in a group chat, pissed her off big time. So I ordered a bouquet of flowers to her house as apology. Sigh....I thought she was appeased and I thought all was well. But ever since then, she gets edgy and over-sensitive at whatever I said. At times, I dont even dare to talk anymore because she gets pissed with whatever I said. But we've been like that for the past 10 years......I mean, she should know me well and I should have know her well, we've been communicating in this style for the past 10years and everything was good! Why problems only surface now?
Until a close mutual friend came after 6-8months and told me the REAL reason for her hatred for me.
Sadly, he/she told me...(he/she knew I still treasure the friendship)...it's impossible to rekindle the friendship, because she was deeply pissed off by how I treated another guy friend.
Like huhhhhhh? Why should OUR friendship be based on HOW I treat my the other friend?
It calls to mind she once reprimanded me before that I treated this guy friend too badly...so well... I did try to treat him better...seriously I also dont understand why I need to follow her preference on how I treat my friends...zzz......but anyway I did try to treat him better.
THEN, she asked me to be careful with that guy friend's feelings..."You dont mislead him leh...dont hurt him", she said.
Then WTH she wants me to do?? At first complain I treat him too badly. When I treat him better than say I will mislead him. WTH she want me to do???
Seriously I think she thinks TOO MUCH. We are ONLY friends.
In anyyyy case, to put her heart at ease, since she's like super protective of him, I did try to cut down contact with that guy. I treasure her friendship so much that yes I was willing to do whatever it pleases her! The friendship is 10years VS 10months. Of course I will treasure the 10years more, naturally.
But it's kinda difficult to avoid him because he's already in our group. I did try to stay away but even when I dont ask him to join our group, other people will also ask him to join. They love him.
Time flies and it was 2 years already maybe... We still hanged out together in our groups, and he was a neutral party who hanged out with 2 groups.
You see the ironic part?
She fell out with me for this guy, but end up this guy still have close friendships with BOTH of us.
She obviously dont like it we still hang out together.
Like what's her problem??? 她在不爽什么？？？
If only she can tell me directly what she wants me to do. I've asked her umpteen times but she always kept silent. A feeling told me even when I do what she wants...she still wont be happy..with me.
I'm tired.............really tired. 心很累。
While I dont bear wishful thinking that we can be back to be like old times, but really...can the whole saga stops....I'm old already....I'm really not up to all this mind games and 勾心斗角。 I just hope everyone can be happy, I can be happy.
I dont get it why people can only be happy only when hurting me again and again...Does it really make them happy? I really dont know how long I can endure all this pain...Everytime she does something against me, even up till now, surprisingly I dont even hatred for her at all, I just feel pain. So much pain....so much so much pain.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Hi Everyone!! A belated Merry Christmas and an impending happy new year to all of you!!
Time flies and in a few days time, it will be the end of year 2014 already. Been neglecting this blog because I was busy and through time, simply lost the urge to write. Even while I'm typing now, it feels so weird. Lol. That being said, I'm still active on my facebook, Maybe age is catching up haha, I've been pretty much into cooking as well as making desserts, mainly with my Philips airfryer, Aerogaz Slowcooker or 3 tier Playbear Steamer. Sometimes I post recipes too, therefore feel free to follow me. =)
Chicken Cordon Bleu with honey ginger apple glaze
Chocolate Lava cake
Chinese Herbal Chicken Soup
Lastly......taken from my facebook
"At the vet. Saw a male doggy who wanted to befriend her, Vickki immediately sat down and act 淑女, with her paws(hands) closed together infront of her. Imagine how shocked we are(it's super unlike her, we voiced out aloud at the same time) "
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Entrepreneur – Thu, Nov 6, 2014 4:45 AM SGT
The way you communicate as a leader will grow significantly when you adopt the following principle: People have positive intentions.
There are rare exceptions, but people for the most part want to be respected and appreciated for their contributions in life.
Yet things don't always go as planned. And who hasn't made a mistake? With this in mind, business leaders should refrain from immediately passing judgment on others and take the time to wrap their thoughts around all aspects of a situation. By becoming more compassionate and giving others the benefit of the doubt, it's possible to gain insight into the causes of any atypical behavior.
To foster a more unbiased approach, tune into your empathetic side. This requires revising certain modes of thinking, such as taking sides in a conflict.
In Heart-Centered Leadership, I discuss the value of not judging or assuming but arriving at an understanding. This is a core principle for anyone in a leadership position to consider and put into practice.
Try to develop healthier habits of mind. Identify and take responsibility for hypercritical tendencies, including the inclination to stereotype and make snap judgments about what people do.
1. Shed resentment.
Many people are quick to jump to conclusions, take sides, hold grudges and remain attached to a judgment of others. They turn to projection and blame. It's not uncommon for people to project onto others what's hidden in their own thoughts.
When you judge harshly, hold on to resentment and assume the worst, this comes out both verbally and nonverbally. Words and actions create impressions that may take on more power over time. When you see your thoughts becoming jaded by a layer of resentment, practice patience and remember to forgive, which is the ultimate antidote to resentment.
2. Gain perspective.
Failing to view circumstances from another person's perspective is short-sighted. This leads to defensive behavior and the belief that someone or some force is behind the strain and difficulties in your life.
Instead of assuming or judging, stop, take a breath and attempt to gain some perspective. Then it's possible to discover that you may be reacting in a knee-jerk fashion. Flex your empathy muscle by asking better questions to get to the core of a matter. “How can I help?” is a simple question that can move mountains.
3. Avoid complaining.
Complaining or reacting first and asking questions later is a trap that many leaders fall into. Be mindful of condemning others without providing positive insight or a collaborative solution. Pause before speaking and consider the impact of voicing your resistance or criticism. It's not your role to be the judge, jury and executioner. The paradoxical dynamic is that the more people stay in judgment, the more harshly others criticize them.
4. Stop postponing support.
When your mind and body are tired and stressed, you're more likely to make harsh judgments and poor decisions. Consider your workload and coping abilities. If you don't schedule time for fitness, social life and family, it's easy to bypass them. An additional benefit for a leader or business owner who practices self-care is that this demonstrates leading by example and encourages associates to do the same.
Making snap judgments and assumptions and being unwilling to understand others affects everyone, personally and professionally. It takes considerable effort but when you become more open-minded, things will shift in a positive way. Consistently making every attempt to understand the behavior of associates, customers, friends and family rather than automatically assuming that you know what happened or what someone else is thinking will yield significant and enduring rewards.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Saturday, November 8, 2014
This is definitely a repost!