Saturday, February 7, 2015

8 years of misunderstanding, finally cleared. 傷, 不许追人。

Few weeks ago, I got a real shock from a good friend of mine, who used to be my ex. It might be the alcohol that wrung an admission from him; he didnt actually say it all out but he sang out the song(we were in a ktv pub with another friend) and asked me to read the lyrics. I didnt know which was worse.

From the title "傷追人", I knew it was nothing good. But I didnt expect it was soooo bad.



作曲:側田@On Your Mark
編曲:Ted Lo/側田@On Your Mark



知了電腦雜誌 舊信合照
護照尚有一個電爐 欠你這麼多

*我最多 把軀殼暫時就當不屬我
 麻木去受你 最後重擊一趟
 怕什麼 我堅拒為情敵駁火

 原來傷懂追我 不必去躲*




我最多 把軀殼暫時就當不屬我
麻木去受你 最後重擊一趟
怕什麼 我堅拒為情敵駁火
傷口早已忘我 分開得夠清楚

This 4 minutes song felt like the longest 4 minutes of my life, with colour draining off my face every second. My other friend exchanged nervous glances with me while "he" sang. Apparently, that friend was as shocked as I was, for "he" hardly gets sensitive and emotional, being the "cool guy". But our friend told me after the breakup, "he" sang that song frequently for some time.

For awhile, I couldnt understand it at all. It seemed alittle..too....exaggerated. Broke up only mah....why sound so serious..... But it all started to make sense when I recalled that fateful night where we parted after a quarrel and realized we couldnt be friends anymore. He saw how I left with a friend who came to fetch me, who eventually became my bf and then my hubby, Adr.

It was around 8 years ago.

Sigh... at the moment of realization, I felt so bad, so bad, so bad.

He actually thought I had a new guy and that's why I wanted a breakup. And he thought I was showing off when I arranged to meet Adr right after that. God no! Nothing like that. I will never 2-time or ditch a bf for a new guy. And I never thought he will come chase after me and thus saw Adr and misunderstood both of us. It's not that we got something to hide but I also knew it wasnt appropriate. So I arranged to meet Adr somewhere further away, like a 10minutes walk. I never thought he will follow me, worrying that there was no cab around. And for the record, I definitely wasnt seeing Adr then. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW ADR LIKES ME THEN. After 6 months then I know. Yeah, after that we got together. BUT we were only purely friends back then. Talk about short, I only know about his feelings after 1 year.

I'm that clueless.

We got together 6 months later after I broke up.

But my ex didnt know. He was so angry then that he shouted nothing pleasant at me when he saw Adr. Alright, he shouted, "You f*cking having an affair right?!" To which, despite I was angry, I did rebutted "WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKING?!"

I mean that's the best I can managed being accused of something so degrading and being shouted in public. Of course we never talked since then. But I never knew the misunderstanding carried on for as long as 8 years, causing him so much hurt. I really dont know. It wasnt the most amiable breakup but I thought it was okay because it was kinda mutual? And there is no 3rd party. I NEVER dreamt he thought otherwise!

Years passed and we are now still good friends(1st few years no contact until a mutual friend asked us to play mahjiong together). Maybe I should be glad he said it out, so that I have the chance to clarify. When I said my piece, he was still dubious and said, "Yeah right, and you got attached soon after and then married the next year".

Duhz...ya...married is married. I mean we got hitched quite soon after being together for 1year plus and that is NOT because we started when I was attached! I will never do things like that! In fact, initially, after Adr made his feelings known after I was single for a few months, I said I prefer to stay single because I was enjoying my single life.

I may not be the best girlfriend BUT I have never 2 time anyone in my life.

Anyway, that probably explains why despite my ex and I got back into contact years later, I always have the feeling that he despised me for something. Zzzz. He still treats me well like a good friend lah...but that arrogant attitude....argghhh!

Now I understand why....sigh....

Okay least the truth comes to light....albeit after 8 years...

That's me. Lazy to explain myself. Thought everyone trusts me and understands how I'm like. Apparently notttttttttttt.

Thinking back, I probably cant be friends with an ex whom I think had ditched me for another girl and presumably, showing off by strutting off with her infront of me. Worse still, married her 1+ year later.

I got to take my hat off him...for his magnanimity....I probably cant do the same. He's single for the past 8 years despite there are ladies who like him(it's not because of me okay, think he didnt meet anyone he likes). I really hope he can find a lady who can bring him happiness. That will be my greatest wish. And of course, friends forever. I will always be there if he needs me.

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