Mr Lee Kuan Yew, thank you for everything. May peace be always with you

Today is a heavy day for all Singaporeans. Mr Lee Kuan Yew had passed on. I never thought I'll teared over him despite all my respect for him. But I did. I hate the sun, I hate queuing. But I've never thought I would be willing to queue for more than 5 hours to pay respect for a man whom I've never met, and to bow to him. But I did.

Dear Mr Lee, we will always remember you, for there will be not be such a prosperous and "somewhat" safe city(last time during your reign much safer though....) if not for your great foresight and perseverance. If you believe in reincarnation like I do, I hope you will be born a Singaporean in your next lifetime and be back with us....to guide us again.

Thank you so much. 

(Thanks to the officers and volunteers who helped out)

It sometimes seem....you never realize that someone holds a place in your heart until he had left you.

This year 2015 seems a significant year despite it's only March. Mr Lee left us, it's very sad that he cant be around to celebrate Singapore 50th year of independence on 9th Aug. Coincidentally, it's also my birthday. And...I'm feeling blue already.

Today also marked my 10th year into the insurance industry. I have Mr Lee to thank for this great job where you will be rewarded as long as you work hard and serve with heart and pride. It's his credit for this prosperous country and education for the people so that they recognize the need to protect lives and assets by transferring risk. How else will a bunch of poorly educated fishermen buy insurance in a 3rd world fishing village?

Hereby, expressing my heartfelt thanks for my wonderful hubby who had always been and always will be my sunshine, my parents who supported me through my education, my mentor who brought me into this business, my master who taught me skills and totally changed my life, all my very sweet clients and friends who supported me, the various managers who helped me in every way imaginable despite having no obligation and also my fellow colleagues who showed support and encouragement in every way. Special thanks to shana, sonia, angie lee, eileen, remus, shannon, carmen, royston, kelvin boo, desmond, eddiee, gerrard, michelle seow, vonne, haze, mel, damon, matthew, kelvin sim, the very sweet secretary Cat and not to forget my company who has been staying strong all these many years. #没你没我 #没你们也没我

Thank you all so much..... Im so blessed to have you all in my life. =)

8 years of misunderstanding, finally cleared. 傷, 不许追人。

Few weeks ago, I got a real shock from a good friend of mine, who used to be my ex. It might be the alcohol that wrung an admission from him; he didnt actually say it all out but he sang out the song(we were in a ktv pub with another friend) and asked me to read the lyrics. I didnt know which was worse.

From the title "傷追人", I knew it was nothing good. But I didnt expect it was soooo bad.

傷追人

古巨基 

作詞：林夕
作曲：側田＠On Your Mark
編曲：Ted Lo/側田＠On Your Mark

本應打九九九可以求助
無奈你不是像持刀傷害我
我到底驚慌什麼

為了分居只好請你留坐
誰料你竟脅持他當陪坐
如像一把掌摑我

知了電腦雜誌　舊信合照
護照尚有一個電爐　欠你這麼多
要他幫手也太絕吧
讓我欣賞他怎羞辱我

＊我最多　把軀殼暫時就當不屬我
　麻木去受你　最後重擊一趟
　怕什麼　我堅拒為情敵駁火

　原來傷懂追我　不必去躲＊

或者他好得必須要炫耀
無奈我的劫後餘生都賠掉
寧願以後不見了

給你大我辱我累我害我話我問我一切事情
已了結清楚
我只想禱告看命運
還能想得出怎虧待我

REPEAT＊

我最多　把軀殼暫時就當不屬我
麻木去受你　最後重擊一趟
怕什麼　我堅拒為情敵駁火
傷口早已忘我　分開得夠清楚

This 4 minutes song felt like the longest 4 minutes of my life, with colour draining off my face every second. My other friend exchanged nervous glances with me while "he" sang. Apparently, that friend was as shocked as I was, for "he" hardly gets sensitive and emotional, being the "cool guy". But our friend told me after the breakup, "he" sang that song frequently for some time.

For awhile, I couldnt understand it at all. It seemed alittle..too....exaggerated. Broke up only mah....why sound so serious..... But it all started to make sense when I recalled that fateful night where we parted after a quarrel and realized we couldnt be friends anymore. He saw how I left with a friend who came to fetch me, who eventually became my bf and then my hubby, Adr.

It was around 8 years ago.

Sigh... at the moment of realization, I felt so bad, so bad, so bad.

He actually thought I had a new guy and that's why I wanted a breakup. And he thought I was showing off when I arranged to meet Adr right after that. God no! Nothing like that. I will never 2-time or ditch a bf for a new guy. And I never thought he will come chase after me and thus saw Adr and misunderstood both of us. It's not that we got something to hide but I also knew it wasnt appropriate. So I arranged to meet Adr somewhere further away, like a 10minutes walk. I never thought he will follow me, worrying that there was no cab around. And for the record, I definitely wasnt seeing Adr then. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW ADR LIKES ME THEN. After 6 months then I know. Yeah, after that we got together. BUT we were only purely friends back then. Talk about clueless...in short, I only know about his feelings after 1 year.

I'm that clueless.

We got together 6 months later after I broke up.

But my ex didnt know. He was so angry then that he shouted nothing pleasant at me when he saw Adr. Alright, he shouted, "You f*cking having an affair right?!" To which, despite I was angry, I did rebutted "WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKING?!"

I mean that's the best I can managed being accused of something so degrading and being shouted in public. Of course we never talked since then. But I never knew the misunderstanding carried on for as long as 8 years, causing him so much hurt. I really dont know. It wasnt the most amiable breakup but I thought it was okay because it was kinda mutual? And there is no 3rd party. I NEVER dreamt he thought otherwise!

Years passed and we are now still good friends(1st few years no contact until a mutual friend asked us to play mahjiong together). Maybe I should be glad he said it out, so that I have the chance to clarify. When I said my piece, he was still dubious and said, "Yeah right, and you got attached soon after and then married the next year".

Duhz...ya...married is married. I mean we got hitched quite soon after being together for 1year plus and that is NOT because we started when I was attached! I will never do things like that! In fact, initially, after Adr made his feelings known after I was single for a few months, I said I prefer to stay single because I was enjoying my single life.

I may not be the best girlfriend BUT I have never 2 time anyone in my life.


Anyway, that probably explains why despite my ex and I got back into contact years later, I always have the feeling that he despised me for something. Zzzz. He still treats me well like a good friend lah...but that arrogant attitude....argghhh!

Now I understand why....sigh....


Okay well.....at least the truth comes to light....albeit after 8 years...

That's me. Lazy to explain myself. Thought everyone trusts me and understands how I'm like. Apparently notttttttttttt.

Thinking back, I probably cant be friends with an ex whom I think had ditched me for another girl and presumably, showing off by strutting off with her infront of me. Worse still, married her 1+ year later.

I got to take my hat off him...for his magnanimity....I probably cant do the same. He's single for the past 8 years despite there are ladies who like him(it's not because of me okay, think he didnt meet anyone he likes). I really hope he can find a lady who can bring him happiness. That will be my greatest wish. And of course, friends forever. I will always be there if he needs me.

So much pain *edited*

So much had happened last year and for now, it only seems the peace is temporary and a typhoon is secretly brewing. 2014 had been a year of ups and downs. Even now coming Jan 2015, it's not totally smooth, both in my work and my social circle.

For my work, it's much too sensitive to say it here. In fact, I've kinda long ago ditched blogging because I'm just tired; I'm really tired to blog it out although I used to feel better after doing that. But well I thought this blog is like almost dead and not many people reading it so heck. As you grow older, you'll be disgusted and terrified at how things can get complicated just because other people dont feel secure because of whatever that is important to them. Since I cant really change the outcome(as for my work issue) because the power lies in others' hands, I tried to stay optimistic and and stop thinking about it.

My philosophy: If there's nothing I can do to change an outcome, or I've already done everything to change an outcome, and yet I still cant, then I will just get it out of my mind.

It seems there can be more possibilities with how I'm doing in my social circle. I made some friends, some real some fake, got closer with my existing friends, as well as losing some. But I'm still glad those of my closest are still around, offering their ears for my comfort. I love them so so much. Sometimes dearie complains that I meet them wayyyy too much. I told him, "Count yourself lucky too that I have them, for I couldnt have walked so far with you, granted you are such an uncaring and insensitive man."

He shut up. Hahaha!

Actually in life, friends come and go. Usually I'm cool. Many asked me why I just cant let go, of a certain she who had for god-knows-why reason to kick me out of her life, and literally out of our usual social group. I said I cant let go because we had been the closest friends for more than a decade. She tried so hard; to pull people to stand on her side to dislike me altogether. When it's kinda not possible(well some are closer to me while some are just neutral), she goes to the extent of splitting up the groups into 2 even when our dear mutual friend had a birthday! It merely means, "I simply cant stand the sight of you, no matter it's celebrating people's birthday or not."

To this extent, I was really appalled. Did I seduce her husband? Did I kill her family? We're the kind who hanged out at least once every 2 weeks, hanged out alone as well as go tours together. I introduced her to almost everyone of my friends, pulled her to join my circles.

Obviously my neutral friend who was having the birthday was kinda stucked in the middle too, and he said the other group had booked him this weekend and he'll celebrate with us next weekend. Which is like, ???!!! By then his birthday already over. I'm quite restless when things happen to me, it makes me super sian BUT I get extremely frustrated when things get too far and create problems for OTHER PEOPLE. In this case, it's my friend's birthday party. And I told the group that please go and enjoy all of you without me, I will meet the birthday boy alone for dinner next week to make it up to him.

Just couldnt stand the whole hoohaa is because of me and spoiling our dear mutual friend's birthday party.

However, my friend and the whole group decided to "wait for me" to celebrate his birthday together because some of them also got disgusted at how this whole saga and refused to join the other group. Which I think she dont mind, she only hates me, not my friends. In fact, she tried very hard to pull my friends over to her side. Arggghhh machiam primary school like that. Common we're all grown-ups. Her close friends stay in her group, my close friends stay in mine, and some neutral ones stays in both. It's fine isnt it? Why need to complicate more? Does she really need to gather ALL into HER group and make everyoneeee ostracize me like she did?

Seriously.

In any case, we celebrated our dear mutual friend's birthday the same weekend, albeit different days.

You know how ironic it is. I've never stopped my friends from joining the other group despite her aggressive recruitment exercise. I'm more of someone who knows she wasnt welcomed and decided to stay away(Thank god I still have other friends lah). Because if I'm around, she wont be around.

And you know what....she gathered one or two very loyal followers(friends whom I'm not close with)...and they actually kicked a mutual, NEUTRAL guy friend out of their chat group, just because they thought(from what I heard) he's closer to me and are afraid that anything negative they talked about me, that mutual, neutral guy friend will come and tell me. Maybe they thought he's my spy or something.

My first thought is, want to talk bad about people then dont scared people know lo.....but anyway, they really think too much. They really think we very free go out always talk about these politics, as if the underlying storm is already not sickening enough. My guy friend simply bo chup one. I also dont talk about them to him nor ask him to "side with me" or things like that. He never ask, I also never say. Say for WHAT? Zzzz. Like I said, he's neutral and I'll like to leave it as that. But apparently, they dont like. And they hate anyone, just anyone who seeemmms to be slightly closer to me or hit it well with me.

My guy friend so poor thing. Nobody likes to be kicked out of a group chat, there are other neutral people inside the group too and it kinda affects the friendship of some people. I cried so much about this one night(in public, wah lau paiseh till want to die) because I felt SO SORRY towards my friend. And there my friends tried to console me again, by saying "Aiya nevermind small thing lahhhh...if me also will kick him out de laaaa, he always never talk hahaha"

But we know it's not a small thing!

And guess what, I totally dont know what I did to incur her hatred.

I always naively thought, well time will tell, truth will surface. I keep thinking maybe we had a misunderstanding and it will cleared up in time. I'm not one who bear grudges and I assumed everyone dont.

But apparently not! The grudge grew even stronger with the both of us absolutely not seeing each other(but still brewing beneath). HOW CAN THAT BE? Because I talked nothing of her, except the part where I really missed her friendship(in the beginning). Through time, nobody mentions her infront of me, because I will feel pain. They can see. So many people asked me to let it go. I got better with time...but...

I JUST couldnt understand it. Although I dont know what I've done to piss her...ok lah I know sometimes I'm too direct and blunt and offended her. I chastised her on **Edited...deleted...sigh....I think I better dont say.......** Said that in a group chat, pissed her off big time. So I ordered a bouquet of flowers to her house as apology. Sigh....I thought she was appeased and I thought all was well. But ever since then, she gets edgy and over-sensitive at whatever I said. At times, I dont even dare to talk anymore because she gets pissed with whatever I said. But we've been like that for the past 10 years......I mean, she should know me well and I should have know her well, we've been communicating in this style for the past 10years and everything was good! Why problems only surface now?

Until a close mutual friend came after 6-8months and told me the REAL reason for her hatred for me.

**Deleted....dont wish to say much.........**

In any case....

I'm tired.............really tired. 心很累。

While I dont bear wishful thinking that we can be back to be like old times, but really...can the whole saga stops....I'm old already....I'm really not up to all this mind games and 勾心斗角。 I just hope everyone can be happy, I can be happy.

I dont get it why people can only be happy only when hurting me again and again...Does it really make them happy? I really dont know how long I can endure all this pain...Everytime she does something against me, even up till now, surprisingly I dont even hatred for her at all, I just feel pain. So much pain....so much so much pain.

Are you like me?

This is definitely a repost!

http://positiveoutlooksblog.com/2014/11/05/an-insight-to-a-sensitive-persons-world/

An Insight To A Sensitive Person’s World

NOV 5

Posted by Positive Outlooks

Sensitive people are the most genuine and honest people you will ever meet. There is nothing they won’t tell you about themselves if they trust your kindness. However, the moment you betray them, reject them or devalue them, they will end the friendship. They live with guilt and constant pain over unresolved situations and misunderstandings. They are tortured souls that are not able to live with hatred or being hated. This type of person needs the most love anyone can give them because their soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what they have to go through in life, they remain the most compassionate people worth knowing and the ones that often become activists for the broken-hearted, forgotten and the misunderstood. They are angels with broken wings that only fly when loved. — Shannon L. Alder

What a F* up Dec 2013 and Helllloooo the brand new 2014!

Dec 2013 was hell for me, I really......dont even know where to start from. Things happened too quickly. Dad's hospitalization came as a shock. It was really devastating to know from the doctor that his serious injuries had caused him a severe stroke and also landed him in a coma. And either he will pass on or he will wake up and be a vegetable. Both scenarios not at all positive. What's more heartbreaking is his injuries...which probably meant he suffered intense pain before he drifted into a coma. I...really dont wish to elaborate all over again because it means getting all the hard and sad feelings back and I'm not a person who loves to dwell over losses, as much as I'm very emotional and compassionate by nature. I pick up, I move on.

But frankly speaking it aint all easy. And I initially thought how hard can it be? Ultimately I haven seen my dad for a long time due to his separation from mum and let's just say we're not at all expressive, typical Singaporeans. I know I love him and I believe he loves me. Despite not exchanging calls or sms, believe it or not, I intend to take care of him after he's retired, just like how I plan for my mum as well. He has always been fit in my memories as he always do manual labour, hardly gets sick, I really never believe something so detrimental will happen to him one day.

I thank my friends for staying by me during this difficult period of time. I'm not one who like to burden friends with my problems and make the whole session gloomy and sorrowful. I simply tried hard not to think about it and enjoy the times with my friends. I was sorry when the dam of tears broke loose after a few rounds of booze though. The more comfort they gave, alas, the more I teared. But instead of feeling what a spoilt sport and literally "wet blanket" I was, they patted me and encouraged me to cry it all out because it'll feel better. Eventually I did, though I did stay away from booze from awhile...

Eventually dad passed on. The funeral and everything...sigh...let's not go into it. Appreciates all my friends and relatives who showed up. Appreciates all the calls and messages. Thanks for all the wreaths and flowers and prayers. It was such a festive month; so many couples had or having weddings, so many couples having baby showers, so many families and friends having gatherings. I do understand if some of you cant come, especially of the "superstitious" issues. No frets. Looking at all my friends' tired faces, some of them just touched down Singapore not long from their overseas trips, some came down after a late night family gathering or wedding dinner, I'm so touched; no words can even describe my gratitude. I know some of my closest friends cant come down due to some reasons and I totally understand. =) I can feel their heart. They say you'll know who are your real friends at a wedding; actually, more so at a wake too. Because more people are willing to share happiness than sorrow. =)

We also had a very fun wonderful Xmas eve pressies exchange party at a friend's house, who are so nice and totally had no qualms with having us(I dont know...some people do mind you visiting their house if family members died within 3 months...) In fact, because of this, I also didnt attend a colleague's wedding, which I think the elderly parents mind the superstitious belief of the red-white-events clash) I mean I totally understand =), and it's really fine for me to attend or NOT; it's really up to the individual. For example, one of my besties is getting married in Jan and she said she dont mind at all and urged me to attend her incoming wedding lunch. Another bestie is holding her precious bb shower in Jan and invited me despite knowing everything.

I'm just so touched and happy. =)


During the funeral, we all had little to sleep. For the following couple of days after the funeral, it's almost impossible to sleep. I was perfectly normal during daytime or when I'm out with my friends. But whenever the lights were out, on the bed, my tears just flowed like nobody's business. I posted on FACEBOOK to appeal for witness for my dad in his highly possible robbery case. Amazingly, from my small pool of friends, it got shared like wildfire and I'm so deeply touched by all the condolences messages from strangers. I mean, they say Singaporeans are so emotionless, so without compassion, I really beg to differ. A group of them are simply so warm and full of empathy. =)

And somehow I got so many calls and messages from the various newspapers, like Lian He Wan Bao, Xin Min Ri Bao, Lian He Zao Bao, The Straits Times and the New Paper. But the fastest person to get to me is the former 2 so I only spoke to them on phone. I wish more people can see this and understand Singapore is no longer safe. It's funny how the news people were adamant on meeting me and asking me how old am I, married or not, what job I'm doing. Seriously, I'm not matchmaking(相亲) nor yearning for attention and I find all this kinda amusing and exasperating when the questioning gets insistent.

My only intention is to appeal for witnesses as to who had seen my dad being assaulted and to urge all fellow Singaporeans to be CAREFUL. Because when I told my friends about it, all of them were like, "Assault? Robbery? In Singapore?" I was like, "Yessssss!" Some of them are completely oblivious and astounded as they couldnt believe something like that can happen in Singapore. Im telling you, yes it's happening and more bodies are uncovered everyday now! Just "Like" The Real Singapore and Stomp on facebook and you'll know much more things than you will know on yahoo and newspaper.

Many people are asking me about how the Singapore Police Force are doing. All I can say is, I'm very very disappointed with their attitude and their professionalism. I was warned not to say more on facebook or online because they will SUE me. Hur hur~ Seriously, if I'm saying the facts and the truth, how can you sue me?? BUT, I just dont wish to get into an array of disputes which might interfere with my dad's investigations and attract a whole lot of anti-PAP commenters who use my dad's issue to 借题发挥. FYI, I'm having very negative sentiments towards our gahmen on MANY issues but for the time being, I wish to focus on the more important matter at hand, which is, finding witness. I hope you too, if you're reading this. And of course, be vigilant. Like I said, do discourage your old folks from wearing valuables and try not to go out alone, especially late at night. Yeah some are stubborn and insists, you just try anyway. And always always call the police and go to a hospital immediately after being assaulted, no matter how minor the injuries may seem. Because sometimes you might under-estimate them. Old folks dont like to go hospital, please do educate them. I suspect my dad under-estimate his....and.............sigh............

I strongly strongly encourage every elderly to carry a long umbrella with them whenever they go. Hey dont laugh, I'm perfectly serious.

And by the way, I'm super pissed off that SGH only notify the police as well as us 2 DAYS after my dad got admitted. Such SERIOUS fractures(collarbone, and fractures of ribs which pierced through the lungs), to a normal layman, is such an OBVIOUS ASSAULT CASE, and they actually delayed a whole 2 days. Dont they know the golden 48hours are of vital importance to finding the killer...........Sigh.......

I know...as the days goes by....my hopes get diminished....I'm just consoling myself that there's karma in this world and the cruel assaulter will get his just desserts....

Sigh.... eventually I felt better....tears stopped flowing at night....only a feeling of sorrow which I brushed it off as soon as they are creeping in. Actually I meant to return the calls of the other newspapers but I was simply too emotionally and physically drained.....and when I'm about to call them back.....I wonder did the loss of appetite and lack of meals once again sparked the torturous abdominal cramps which I get once in a blue moon. And I got admitted to Mt Alvernia on 30th during the wee hours....scans and all that and an operation to remove the gallbladder decorated with stones and polyps was scheduled on the next day, 31st Dec 2014, New Year's Eve.

Seriously can things get more fucked up?? It was hell hell hell. I was so pain all the time that I'm begging for painkiller jabs one after another. I really got no choice. When I got better on the 2nd day after the op, I discharged myself. A total of 3 days 3 nights, total bill $12,000. Thank you very much.

So now I'm stucked with 3 ugly plasters on my stomach. Dont mock a keyhole surgery, still pain okie. I'm now walking like the hunchback of notre-dame who had just given birth. Thanks to all the friends who showed concern, all the getwell goodies, hampers and fruit baskets sent to the hospital/home. :) 

And you know what...........I'm scheduled to fly on a business trip in less than 10 days time, which includes a wonderful teambonding game of Kpop dancing among my peers.


Our team is supposed to perform this, albeit a simpler(minus ALL the obscene and difficult parts) and shorter version.




Nice song eh~


But now, DANCE GE PI LAH!

I'll see how lah.

Although I'm not at all a great dancer, I do not wish to simply stand aside and do nothing. We're still a team. We'll see how la......thank god I'm not the main dancer so I dont have that much responsibilities and duties to perform perfectly....but as a team, I just wish to do a minimal part, maybe as a backdrop or shake abit or something...blearh...

TO A BETTER YEAR 2014!!!!

I wish all of you a safe and great year 2014 with abundance of happiness and wealth, in the pink of health!!

*Repeats* Singapore is NO LONGER safe. Stay alert!

Appealing for witness for robbery on 10th Dec 2013 or earlier near York Hill Estate, near Chin Swee Road

Sorry for the absence. My dad, Lim Lay Hock, was assaulted and robbed, most probably on the 10th Dec or slightly earlier.  We're not sure where he was robbed but most probably near his home at York Hill Estate near Chin Swee Road, opp Outram Sec Sch.

He was hospitalized in SGH on 10th Dec and just passed away on the 20th Dec. We were all deeply grieved by it because it was an unnatural death..... Was so emotionally and physically drained. :(

We're currently appealing for witness, please kindly share and spread if possible. I will be most grateful!!

(From my facebook: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151942467014584&set=a.166601719583.120753.777079583&type=1&theater)

To the robber who assaulted my dad and caused his death, I really dont understand how you can beat up a 60 year old man so severely and live the rest of your life. Really urge all to be more careful because Sg is no longer safe. My dad's collarbone was broken, suffered a fracture of ribs which punctured his lungs, with head injuries. All these triggered pneumonia/stroke/heart attack. He passed away after 10 days of coma. The killer is still at large, enjoying his Xmas with my dad's valuables. Anyone with any info in regards to seeing my dad being robbed, please kindly contact me. We're not really sure where he was being robbed but we believe it's near his home at York Hill Estate near Chin Swee Road, opp Outram Sec Sch, on the 10th Dec or earlier. Deeply appreciate if you can share. Lastly, it will be good if you can educate your old folks not to wear valuables when they are out alone(ya some dont listen, but just try). And pls pls go hospital and call police immediately after being attacked because it's easy to underestimate the injuries. Have a merry Xmas....and stay safe everyone....Thanks for all your condolences.

It was really stupid of me, initially I put up dad's picture at the wake because that's the only one I have.

So many kind souls commented to send us their condolences. I'm so deeply touched! The post also have few hundreds shares. BUT, I thought that picture dont look like dad and I wished to change to the recent photo of his. Unable to find that option, I deleted the picture, thinking I can replace the picture. But the WHOLE POST got DELETED without warning. So damn angry with myself!!

Lastly, I thank everyone who had messaged me in one way or another and friends who came down to the wake. Most of you look so tired, I felt so sorry and yet so touched at the same time. Love you all!!


Singapore is no longer safe.

Please be vigilant and stay safe!!! God bless us all............

Ya, like why? 也许，我们真的不适合。

Do you love your GF enough to let her do this?

Posted on 16 September 2013  |  2481 views  |  4 comments  |  0 shares

More Sharing Services

(P/S After dearie saw my entry, he highlighted me on 1 error: "It should be, I love you far too much to let you do this for me. You know, it's like, I love you too much to hurt your feelings instead of I love you too much to NOT hurt your feelings. No need that word "NOT"." I was like, "Eh ya hor". But thankfully he said, "But I get your meaning lah, that's why I said that's what I thought too." Lol. Kekeke!)


From the way he answered and the way I know him, he meant it truly. =)
He's just far too blunt to say things which he dont mean it. You know, saggi leh~
I simply love our style of communication; we're just so frank, so open with each other. No hard feelings bottled up, anything we just put it on the table(and serve). Lol. =P
Everyday, I feel so blessed to have him in my life. =)
Have you told your loved ones that you love them today? =)



Recently a friend just told me the girl she likes just broke up with her boyfriend. 
And I was saying, 

"Ai seh! Your chance come liao. Faster go woo!!" 

My friend: "Nahzz....I find it hard to communicate with her. Little things can get so angry and throw tantrum. Joking only mah. Why so sensitive? If as friends, communication already so difficult, how to become couple?"

Me: "But you like her alot right??"

My friend: "Like is one thing....everytime quarrel very sian one...I really buay tahan liao...you cant expect after we got together liao, then I everytime talk very carefully....or dont talk at all.....like this together for what? "

Me: "Ya true............."

My friend: "Everytime I got to stoop so low to apologise when I dont even feel I'm in the wrong....again and again, again and again. I'm really, really tired.........."


I remembered a friend told me this before, when I unknowingly made a friend angry over some insensitive remark;

"From now on, you can only talk less or dont talk at all, lest you unknowingly say wrong things and made her angry again....but like this, you also very miserable because always got to suppress your feelings...cannot express freely...like this also difficult la..."

Ya lo.......then might as well I cut down on meeting her......and even if I meet her whether in groups etc, I cant talk to her or mention anything in regards to her....And I thought....."Huh...if like this, might as well I dont meet, or dont join the gathering at all. [=.=]'''' And...if this continues....as much as I want to keep her as a friend, I think it's also difficult.....Sigh......

I can also say....我们不适合(做朋友)。Machaim BGR like that...haha...
But when you think about it, it's very similar and it's true.
I've never think that when a guy and girl cannot be together as a couple, it means neither party is at fault or not good enough etc. Sometimes it's just that they're not suited...personality/background etc etc. Same thing with friends. My friends either love me or hate me, I realized! Too bad she "hates" me...for now.... As much as I love her, and I also think she wanna (try to) accept me(else she wouldnt endure me for so long...she said the "grievances" were accumulative. =( ......

But I guess................SIGH.............it's really tough......

Actually I also believe there are some 小人(mean people) around who always like to 煽风点火(sow discord).......Although I'm just so disappointed at the turnout....I can only tell myself that it's probably my downfall that I fail to realize, to sense her unhappiness with me for all my insensitive remarks and nonsense all this while. Stupid.....

Because both of us has lost a friend who truly care for one another; (I care for her and I believe she also care for me......), now I truly wish she has friends who truly care for her like I do. Because I know I wont be around to keep a lookout for her anymore...if she got drunk or tipsy or care for her anymore.

Frankly speaking, 小人 are all around, sometimes it's difficult to differentiate. I think many people have eyes to see I truly care for her, but if that 小人 can 加盐加醋 in a very natural way to convince her further I'm deliberately "aiming" her, to encourage her to lose me as a friend, frankly speaking...that friend also cant be very kind...

It's like....if you see your friend quarrel with her spouse over some insensitive remarks or in short, a very small issue but YOU KNOW that actually they love each other and care for each other, wouldnt you help by saying, 

"Aiya....maybe he dont mean it one. I'm sure he dont mean it in the negative way....why should he? You 2 had been through so much together...10+ years together...dont because of this small thing then ruin the relationship. You forgot how he was there for you when you need him?"

OR, would you say,
"Oh manz, he's damn insensitive and rude and offensive lor. I feel he's always targeting you and purposely want to make you paiseh one. Dont forgive him. Aiya, this kinda husband, dont want also nevermind. Find another one. Bla bla bla"

Of course you will say things like the former(1st one) right and not the ones in red right??!!! 正所谓，劝合不劝离。Moreover, it's reallllllyyyy not a big issue. Of course unless stuff like...IF I seduce my friend's hubby la, or sow discord between her and friends la, or bad mouth her reputation behind her la or used her whenever I need her but ignore her when I dont need her, THEN OF COURSE I deserve everything. BUT I DID NOT!

A friend who encourages you to do a wrong thing even though it sounds soothing to your ears AT THAT MOMENT(yes you got no fault at all, it's all your hubby's fault, he's in the wrong, go get a divorce) MAY NOT have your best interests at heart. 

Sometimes, a friend who says the un-soothing words may just be the one who stops you from doing the wrong thing or decision;

"You sure your hubby meant it in the negative way? Or is it because you're too sensitive? Maybe he's just joking and didnt know you'll get offended. Anyway, aiya...it's also not a very big thing mah.....I'm sure he treasure the relationship and not purposely make you angry one."

I really felt soOoooOoo.............[?????????] sometimes.

Her exact words to me in message, "I think you always like to target me, also got people also think this way. Why you like to shoot me, you not happy with me or what. Why you always like to drag me in and shoot me?"

YA!! I was also thinking, YA WHYYYYYY??? WHY I WANT TO SHOOT YOU??? *Faints*

Kill people also need to have motive right?? What motive I have??

I introduced her to this group of friends, from this group of friends, she also know more friends. Everytime we got gathering, I ask her along. Through time, she know my friends better, they also add her to group chats and ask her along too. And I'm totally okay with it. NEVER once, that I join but didnt ask her. I ask her to join EVERY SINGLE TIME. But after that we realized she cant come out on weekdays so we stopped asking her on weekdays; but weekends we continue to jio her. Even when I'm meeting 1 or 2 guy or girl friends(friends she know) instead of 1 big group, I also jio her. I'm that close with her, I simply love to bring her along with me whoever I meet(so long so she's comfortable). I introduce her to my circle of friends. She ask me for the numbers of my girlfriends or guyfriends, I also give her. She asks them out without asking me along, I'm also fine. Sometimes we do meet up alone too. We know each other for more than 10years, she meant so much to me.

Now she say I like to shoot her, and target her? I was like why???

Do we like the same guy and thus fighting for attention? Hell no. We're both happily married and whole world knows it thanks to FB. Are we in the same trade and we fight for some promotion etc? No, we're not in the same trade and both very loved by our generous hubby so we dont have money issue. Is she closer to this group of friends than me? Some yes some no. Friends whom I know for a much longer time than her naturally will still be closer with me, that's just the usual simple logic. But let's just say, we got our own closer friends, like A friend/B friend/C friend are closer to her while all the others are closer to me. I dont see any issue here unless she feel it is(which I also dont think she feel so)

You may wonder; Is she prettier than me?

OF COURSE a 100% YES!!!

But the thing is, eh please lor, TONS of people are prettier than me. 

Gra is prettier than me.
Suan is prettier than me.
Huey is prettier than me.
Lin is prettier than me.
Jes is prettier than me.
Shand is prettier than me.
Ser is prettier than me.
Lina is prettier than me.
Angi is prettier than me.
Von is prettier than me.
Phy is prettier than me.
Chris is prettier than me
Jov is prettier than me.
Ama is prettier than me.
PS is prettier than me.
Cel is prettier than me.
Kat is prettier than me.
Rain is prettier than me.

(For awhile, I almost want to put their pics down here, but I thought not very nice. Lol...machiam haolian I got pretty friends like that. =P)

Many many more, sorry due to time constraint, cannot put all the names down. PLEASE dont misunderstand I feel I'm prettier than you just because I didnt put your name!!! I dont mean that!!! Now I'm so f*cking paranoid that everything I blog or say or message must explain veryyyyyy clearly or put a disclaimer. *tired*

SOOOOOOO many girlfriends prettier than me!


So every pretty girl I go and target and shoot? 
Then I very busy lor. 
Then I dont have girlfriends liao lor. 

But tell you, all these PRETTY girlfriends are my GOOD and BEST friends! If you're in my FB then you'll know most of my girlfriends are so pretty and I'm equally close to them, thanks so much that they dont mind a simple plain Jane like me. *feeling blessed again*

Really...........Why would I want to target you and shoot you???

You're one of my longest friend and one of the very best whom I hold dear. I remember very clearly who stood by me when I'm at my lowest and you're one of them. Why would I purposely hurt someone who care for me? I'm not dumb! Good friends are just so hard to come by. Most of them only come to you after they broke up or when they need you but simply MIA when they're happy with their lives again. I'm also used to it. It's hard to get a real friend these days and I always treasure them very much. There's almost no reason on earth that I will ever give you up as a friend, unless you choose to give me up first or unless I've tried anything to keep the friendship but it just doesnt work.


I suppose she's tired....

But actually I am too...


Have a great week guys............

Sometimes

Sometimes, I kept telling myself that I'm simply too sensitive, too paranoid. But time and time again, it just prove I'm right.

女人之间的心病, 真的让我觉得很有压力. 不想想太多, 但为什么每次都让我发觉, 让我猜中。 做女人比男人难很多. Sigh.....

I wonder is it a good thing to be that sensitive sometimes. Ignorance may be bliss in a way......

If life can be simpler.

Previously, we had a mini team bonding within our roadshow team(many different teams within our agency) because for some of us, it was our 1st time collaborating in the same roadshow. We were given stickers to write positive stuff about one another. The stickers were then sticked onto our backs. It's interesting as you dont know who wrote what about you. 

I got the following: 

3 x Friendly, 3 x Pretty, 2 x Sincere, 2 x Helpful
Leadership, Resourceful, Independent, Cool, Bubbly, Caring, Super, Nice, True to Self, Disciplined, Quiet

Firstly, thanks so much for ALL the sweet compliments. =) You all are just too kind. 

I would say I'm rather surprised by some of the positive blue chips, especially by the word "Sincere". Not because I disagree with it, but I was so amazed that some of these colleagues whom I actually dont hang out much with after working hours, can somehow....feel me, feel my sincerity. I always keep a low profile in office as much as I can, away from the deadly politics. I usually dont talk much in the office either, unless well, with a few who are closer with me. In fact, most of us were usually busy with our own stuff in the office and because the office is so open, conversations were being kept "simple", you know. This probably gave untrue impressions, "Disciplined" and "Quiet" to 2 of my colleagues who obviously dont know me well. Haha. Hardly. =P 

If I said I'm surprised by the word "Sincere", the 3 words "True to self" almost froze me in midway. It was so so true. I have a set of principles and beliefs which I firmly adhere to. In short, I cant really do something which is not in line with my principles or with my feelings. 

Until now, I also dont know who wrote me that 3 words, "True to self"(I didnt really go ask though). I really cant think of anyone who actually know me that well....*puzzling*. 

I think, I have really very, very astute colleagues. Heh....of course, we have among the top sales elites in my agencies....and astute sales people make the best sales. =)

Thinking back of the misunderstanding I had with a friend whom I share a more-than-a-decade of friendship, it's kinda....sad. She suddenly drifted away from me; I can sense it. I knew she's upset with something but I dont know what is it. She acted natural to me among our group of common friends but I know her so well, that I know she's just not herself. I waited and waited for her to come talk it out with me, to show that she really treasure this friendship, to explain things if necessary. But she didnt. It was hard for me to open the issue as she's still talking to me, as per normal. Finally 1 day, I couldnt bear it. I couldnt bear her acting "normal" with me when she's clearly upset with me. And I couldnt bear acting everything is all rosy and well when my heart was tearing inside. 

The feeling is like......as if....the moment you know your man has stopped loving you, but he is still there, however, just an empty soul and body.

I finally begged her(in sms) to say out, "What's wrong?? What did I do to upset you??"
She kept quiet for a long time before saying an evasive, vauge, statement, which totally confused me. And I said, "At least could you tell me what did I do to upset you or give me a chance to explain before just giving me the death verdict and shutting me out?"

And finally she said it out. The messages got longer and longer, and I can feel she got angrier and angrier as she related the incident.

I couldnt understand why she would have thought some of the things I said bear unkind meanings or intentions. I just couldnt fathom, and couldnt believe she can think such a thing of me when we were close friends of more than 10 years. 

"Hypocrite", a word that is so foreign to me.

Me?

The moment that word came into my eyes(in a message), uncontrollably, I had a ironic, bitter laugh.

I said, "If I'm a hypocrite, I would have said those things behind your back and not infront of you, and thus made you angry with me."

In fact, out of frustration, I even said I WISHED I'm more hypocritical at times, so that I will be more likable to people, or have more friends etc. I told dearie before I'm amazed with people who can act so close with someone when they absolutely loathe that person. It's simply too difficult a task for me. I've tried before, to be honest, for certain reasons, and I have failed badly. It's just too unnatural. Lol. I have soOooOo many flaws, blunt, too straight-forward/direct, impatient, fussy, insensitive at times maybe bla bla bla. You can call me anything you want, EXCEPT, "Hypocrite".

I'm simply true to myself and to anyone. Ok fine, to MOST PEOPLE. 

She is my dearest friend, I am so true to her and I was shocked she can say this of me. I admit that I might be a tad insensitive to her feelings(which was totally unintentional) and totally carried a joke too far by saying some "stuff" infront of her and a group of common friends. I felt so wronged and alittle imbalanced because while I'm the 1st to start it, other friends chipped in the same "stuff" as well BUT she's only upset at me. :~( And truth be told, sometimes these "stuff" were said behind her by some friends too, in a negative way. But I didnt say it behind her, I said it infront because I swear I really didnt mean anything negative. It's purely joking......But the thing is, she's angry with me for saying infront of her instead of angry with some people who said things behind her. Which totally confused me. And for saying infront of her and incurring her wrath, I'm a hypocrite?

Sigh..........I didnt expect it can stir so much irritation and hatred in her because I myself hear these same "stuff" so many times by this same group of friends too. But I know they're just kidding me and dont mean anything bad. In fact, I always laugh at myself together with them too. For me...I rather people say it infront of me instead of behind me.

So....yeah...was kinda disappointed that she didnt trust me or understand me enough to NOT think the worst of me...

It's bizarre that a colleague can know me better. Sigh......

Well, anyway, I've did all I can. Yup, that includes apologizing a hundred times at least and also doing some other stuff(kinda embarrassing to mention here) to prove to her I'm really sorry and I really treasure her as a friend, and of course, I will never mention "some stuff" which she dont like, ever again, in front OR behind her. Although she did say she's not angry with me anymore....I simply feel everything is not the same anymore. Sigh............ sometimes I almost couldnt believe 1 statement can spoil a decade of friendship. But they say nothing is impossible in this world. Anyway, I know I have only myself to blame; I should have been more sensitive to her feelings, more intuitive since I actually know her the longest in the group. Sigh...........


Anyway......always ending with a quote or "morale of the story"....because I feel one should always learn from their own mistakes........and if you're a smartie ass, then learn from MY mistakes, which are....

Never ASSUME anyone understands you well enough or trust you enough, because you're the one who understands yourself best. 

Never ASSUME other people can accept the things which you can accept 

Never ASSUME people who do "something to you" means they can accept people doing the "same thing" to them. 

Never take old-friendships for granted; For e.g, "Nahz....we're such close friends, it's okay for her to wait 10minutes for me." OR "Nahz....we're such close friends, she wont believe what that asshole said of me." 
OR "Nahz....we're such close friends, she will know I'm only joking!"

NO, she wont always know, OKIE.

The thing is, sometimes you might be unknowingly doing something which your friend dont like. Different people react differently. For me, I will mention it out, in a "complaining" kind of way. Like, "Oei....you dont always late for more than an hour leh....half an hour okie lah but an hour, I will be very sian one leh." But for some people, they will just keep quiet and wont mention anything. Truth is, such things will snowball(since you're repeatedly and unknowingly doing the things they dont like).....and one day, they will just explode.

So ending with this;

Life can be so much simpler.

Stupid PRCS get the F out of my country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/this_urban_jungle/1872792/woman_slashed.html

Posted on 09 Jul 2013

Woman slashed to death: 3 traumatised witnesses move out of CCK flat

Three female tenants, believed to have witnessed a woman being slashed to death, were so traumatised that they moved out of Choa Chu Kang flat on the afternoon (Jul 7) the incident happened.

According to a report in Shin Min, all the three tenants were at home when the slashing incident took place.

One of the tenants sent an SMS and called her friend numerous times between 2.39am to 3.41am on Sunday to inform him of the incident. 

Her friend, Mr Yang, was sleeping and did not pick up the calls.

In an interview with Shin Min yesterday (Jul 8), Mr Yang said that Ms Zhang Jie who was slashed shouted out to one of the tenants for help to call the police.

Mr Yang also mentioned that Ms Zhang and her boyfriend, the suspect, had been dating for around three to four years.

He added that he had not heard of any recent conflicts between the couple who have known each other since they were in school.

Shin Min also reported that the flat was splattered with blood and there were two bloody footprints found at the scene.

The cleaners were seen cleaning up the corridor that had two pools of blood on the floor and blood splatter on the wall.

Some of the neighbors were worried that the blood along the corridor will cause trauma to their children and kept them away from the unit.

NOT the first time already!!! Somehow these PRC ladies always get slashed up by their boyfriends!! I wonder WHY!!! Why not SG ladies? Why not Malaysian ladies? Why not Filipino ladies? Isnt it the obvious?? Before they come, we HARDLY have such first degree murders as well as fatal traffic accidents. Murders only occur like few times per year and most of them being Indians. NOW, EVERYDAY got bad news. The PRC b*tches broke up couples and families everyday, played with old men's CPF and cheat all their feelings cum money and end up getting chopped into pieces by their angry boyfriends. SERVES THEM GOOD!! THEN, the PRC b*stards drive like their own boss on our land, mostly by being bus drivers and NTUC lorry drivers and caused all the accidents here, here and here. FU!! GET THE F OUT OF MY COUNTRY!!!!!!!! PRC, FU FU FU OKAYYYYYY!!!!! The Sichuan earthquake is just your karma!!!! Since you people can make poisonous baby milk powder and kill each other, so GOD is helping you too!!!

I wonder who's the genius who allowed the large mass of them over here. Foreign talent. Talent my @ss!!!! Creating all the social problems, accidents, harming us Singaporeans. For the amount of GDP growth, is it really more important and precious than our own people's lives??

你喜欢哪一种爱? 什么是真爱呢?

以前，自以为很懂得爱。

爱得精，爱得轻，放得快，撇得恨。

虽说有得也有失，有甜也有苦。

但爱得干脆，不拖泥带水。坚持不做第3者，也不一脚踩几船。

潇洒来，潇洒去。不失自我，不失自尊，不留一点伤痕。

以为大家为你争风吃醋就是爱。

以为 搞搞暧昧，小鹿乱撞就是爱。

以为收到许多礼物就是爱。

以为享受被人呵护，被人疼的快乐感觉就是爱。

以为人人想得到的却让我得到了，就是爱。

那么多种爱。到底那一种才是真爱呢?

其实，真爱真的好好好好好简单。

基本上，真的什么都不用刻意的去做。

他不用刻意追你，你也不用刻意电他。

就好像觉得，世界上，什么都可以失去，就是不能没有他。

就是，他没买什么贵重的东西给你，你也无所谓。

就是，只要他陪着你，去哪里都没关系。

就是，就算他什么都不做，只躺在你身旁睡觉，你也会望着他，微笑，觉得甜蜜，幸福。

以前， 一位朋友告诉我，真爱是“细水长流”的。

我说，“huh。。。。。有那么老土吗? 真爱不该是轰轰烈烈，刻骨铭心，歇斯底里，之类的吗? 就算不崇尚“天长地久”，至少也应该“曾经拥有”，之类的吧。。。”

但现在，我完全懂了。我了解那看似简单但又其实不是那么简单的四字成语，“细水长流”。那好像很老土但是又让你觉得很踏实，很美满，很幸福的一种体会。

一段感情，要做到轰轰烈烈或刻骨铭心或歇斯底里，真的一点都不难。我经验还不少。但这些词汇根本是夸大和用来修饰不完美的爱情关系。好像把情景弄得比较浪漫一点，实际上，可一点都不值得欢呼啊。

你有听说过，“我和我老婆有一段刻骨铭心的爱情。”吗?

还是你比较常听到，“我曾经有过一段刻骨铭心的爱情”

所以说，小说啦，电影啦，都是夸大其词的，这样才有人看嘛。

有多少情人会经历“轰轰烈烈” 再到 “刻骨铭心” 又到 “破镜重圆”，然后再 “细水长流”

有。电影 lo。

我有很多朋友非常乐观得总是觉得她们“轰轰烈烈，刻骨铭心” 的爱情道路可以有那么奇迹式，像电影般的一种曲折，一种转折。

坦白说，我今年31了，还真没见过。通常“轰轰烈烈，刻骨铭心，痛痛快快”过后，就是“再见亦是朋友”。可能有吧，但可能超少。

以前，太在乎表面的一些事了。追求者有没有帮你开车门，有没有送你花，会不会送你回，会不会说甜言蜜语哄你开心。

是那位朋友教我，男人，要用心看，而不是全看表面的。

以前我不懂。现在我懂了。因为表面的东西是很容易伪装出来的，也是最容易变质的东西。

就好像，可能刚拍拖时，他会帮你开车门，开车门何等简单，但过了一年后，他就不开了。虽说，心，也是可以伪装的，但，如果他不是真心的，会比较难去伪装。总的来说，就算一个很会伪装心的男人，也很难伪装很长的时间。你可能会发现，有些男人，就像男孩一样，只是想拥有一个奖品，一个玩具。尤其如果你有很多人追时，这种男人的好胜心更是 一发不可收拾。但追到以后，又是另一回事了。

我也不是说很多男生不是真心啦，只是觉得。。。也许你或她都可能误会了所产生的是哪一种爱。

是博爱? 他爱你。对。但只爱你一个吗? 还是爱很多个?

是稚爱? 他爱你。对。爱多久呢? Puppy love? 3个月就没了吗?

是宠爱? 基本上，男孩都会宠女孩。只要你不是跟他太过哥儿们的话。但他只宠你一个吗? 还是谁都宠啊?

怜爱? 他对你很好? 特好? 在你最需要关怀的时候守在你身边? 是真爱还是感激他啊?

如果不是很有信心，就边拍拖边观察吧。当然，任何一种爱是绝对可以演变成真爱。

有时，也真觉得好笑。

我老公好像有一两年没送生日礼物给我。有些朋友会说，“唉呀! 你生日，老公居然不送你礼物，太过份了!” 但我也不觉得有什么大不了。因为我也不缺什么嘛。=) 我朋友都觉得我疯了，因为我一点也没生气。老公更好笑，说不知道要买什么给我，差一点要去买钻石手饰(因为好像最妥当)。我真的开口求饶，说，“千万不要，你以前买给我的快没地方放了。我又不怎么戴，锁在保险箱怕麻烦，不锁我又担心。真是烦。”

上个月，他出国前几天，买了很多很多我喜欢吃喝的东西，把冰箱塞得满满的。又进钱进我户口，怕我不够用。回来又买了3个名牌包包给我。朋友全都羡慕我得不得了，说我老公超级好(一反之前所说的)。真是好笑。哈哈哈!

他疼我，我当然超开心。唉呀，我当然知道他买得起，也不反对他买，因为外国便宜嘛! 平时，如果他要买给我，我还不让他买呢。我们就是这样简单。=)

不知这样的比喻，你们明不明白。

并不是说，生日不买礼物，就是不爱你。

也不是说，买你贵重的礼物，就是超爱你。

我如果一个人在家时，就会乱吃东西，或索性不吃。

他担心我，所以出国前都买了我最爱吃的食物，最爱喝的饮料放在家里。

对我来说，是最窝心的。这比他从国外买包包回来给我，让我更为感动。=)

每个人对真爱的定义不同。没对没错。就看你喜欢哪一种爱吧。

但最重要的是要珍惜自己，和珍惜值得珍惜的人。

祝大家幸福!!